I was the girl in school who had a new "best friend" each year. Fond memories of childhood are often recalled beginning, "When I was best friends with April..." "... with Amber..." "... with Angela..." "... with Dana..." "... with Kerri ..." etc., etc.
I guess that's fairly common for children... becoming close to girls who happen to be in your class that year, or who is in the same dance class or Brownie troop.
But what is my excuse now that I'm all grown up? I wouldn't even say I even *have* a best friend. And I find myself looking at the people who last year I called my closest friends, wondering how I ever thought we had anything in common.
I hate this about myself. I wish I had the desire to nurture and renew these friendships. But I don't. I want to find people who don't make me cringe when I see an e-mail in my inbox from them... knowing it will contain an invitation to some place I have no interest in going to hang out with people I have no interest in maintaining friendships with. But even if I find a new friend who "gets me"... who is to say I won't be absolutely sick of her by this time next year?
One friend in particular has been there for me in the most difficult of times. I have a lot of guilt about the prospect of throwing her out like yesterday's garbage, but I truly have no interest in rekindling our friendship.
Sometimes I think I get too comfortable in my romantic relationships and end up losing the desire to carry on friendships. I'd rather spend time cuddling my significant other, under covers, watching netflix movies, than go to this bar to watch that band with these people. So why force myself? If I have to make myself be someone's friend, why bother?
Am I a horrible person? Or just realistic? I can't decide.
